"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
