At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
