Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
