Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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