time to smoke my breakfast
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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