i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
