I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I am naked and annoyed.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
