i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
