I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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