I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
