Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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