The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
