Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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