Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
