Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
