I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
