Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize