Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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