Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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