and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
