you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
