I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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