we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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