So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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