After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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