You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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