Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
