the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Randomize
