if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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