It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
