She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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