I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Randomize
