I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
