it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
