I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
