The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
