Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
