I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
