Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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