Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
