I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize