We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
