Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
