I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
