i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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