My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
