Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
