So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
