Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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