i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
