I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
There r osticjed everywhere
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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