if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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