is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize