Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
You can't special order awesome
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Randomize
