you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize