sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
sick fucks of a feather flock together
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
