Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
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