All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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