Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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