I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
