I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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