if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
