Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
