i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
