he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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