Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
