I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
my sisters under your porch take her home
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
