I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
