honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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