She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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