Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize