It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
