dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
40s are totally the cure
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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