in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
