so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
