Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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