Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
