I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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