Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
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