The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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