My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
