If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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