How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
