Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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