If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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