I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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