just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize