Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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