Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize