Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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