I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
