OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
there's paper in my vomit.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
