and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
my liver is dry heaving
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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