hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
