The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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