I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
