You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
