I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
