so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
porn star boner night. come get it.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
