Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(907): View more from Alaska

Tell me the dirtiest joke you know

(1-907): View more from Alaska

Sarah Palin

(907): View more from Alaska

god, I love you

Fav 101 10975 1744
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(870): View more from Arkansas

I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."

Fav 4 1349 2769
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(217): View more from Illinois

Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop

Fav 13 7182 2001
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(503): View more from Oregon

I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?

(1-503): View more from Oregon

yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.

Fav 1 1552 908
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(785): View more from Kansas

Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.

Fav 8 829 1430
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(219): View more from Indiana

I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now

Fav 5 1183 921
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(512): View more from Texas

Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea

Fav 5 685 485
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE

Fav 1 88 13
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(708): View more from Illinois

You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now

Fav 0 33 23
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