I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
