I didn't shave. On purpose
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
