I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
