He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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