Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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