my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
